How To Let Go of Resistance - Answering a Listener's Question

I am glad I'm back. I'm so happy you're here, and I'm pleased we're working together to solve some of these issues that have held us back all these years. 

I just got a letter from someone who requested a consultation. They were listening to my podcast. 

We had some really good talks in this consultation, but then she had a follow-up question.

She said, “I'm listening to your podcast, and it resonates with me, but I'm currently pushing on the pull door and operating from a place of fear, not love. How can I recondition myself to stay true to what I feel I want and need?” 

Oh my gosh, such a great question. 

I love speaking with people who are listening to my podcast and the things that resonate with them because

If we don't find the root of the problem, you will keep your problems. That's not a satisfactory answer. 

I love that she reached out and emailed even though we had already talked, and she said, “Give me some clarity.” 

I really want to discuss more about what it means to stop pushing on the pull door—in other words, to let go.

If you remember, pushing on the pull door adds resistance to a problem. The problem just gets worse, and you don't go anywhere. 

This all comes from a comic strip about a little guy who was going into the school for the gifted. 

He wanted to go to the school so he could be in a class on time like everybody else, but everybody else went in. 

He didn't read the sign on the door that said pull; instead, he just started pushing on the door. I want in.

Push, push, push, and he's pushing, sweating, and not getting in the door.

It's not the door's fault. It's that he didn't read the instructions on the door. 

He didn't follow an intuitive way of operating: to follow instructions or your heart. 

It would have swung open easily if he had just pulled on the door. It's on hinges and not complicated—it's a single instruction pull. 

All your worries go away. All the struggle ends if you follow the path of most allowance. 

We are allowing the door to open means getting out of the way and pulling on the door. 

I think this is super important to remember because we push against the door all the time because we're like, well, I don't want that. 

I don't want to be late for class, the last one in, or looked at by those who don't want what you don't want; you're not letting go of what you don't want so that you can have what you do want. 

I want the door to open.

If you were to push on a door and realize it's not opening, you'd be breaking a sweat trying to get it done. 

Pushing harder and harder, eventually, you'll stop pushing. 

Eventually, you'll take a step back. Eventually, you'll notice that the handle—when you turn the handle and there's no pressure on the door—if you push a little bit or pull a little bit, it will give one way.

Then the door swings open, and you're like, oh my gosh, okay. 

All right. It's like tightening a jar. 

If you don't know which way is right and which is left, and you're trying to tighten it going left, and it's just spinning, your frustration will grow, right?

You have to be aware of what's not working for you so that you can start doing what is. 

In my response to my friend. I had to let her know that love gives way to what is. 

Love opens the door. 

Fear keeps the door shut. 

Fear produces feelings like anxiety and feeling blocked and feeling uninspired and feeling blase and feeling like you're just waiting forever and wanting things you can't seem to obtain.

It makes you feel frustrated like you're blaming other people and using phrases in your head like if she would just or if I could just. 

Those are resistance phrases and resistant emotions, and they come from resistant thoughts. 

If you are resistant to the thing you want and you're contradicting yourself, you're saying I want this, but I can't because your door stays shut. 

You're pushing on the pull door, which won't open for you. 

That's a fear-based mindset. 

Well, what would happen if I did open the door? What would happen if I let off the pressure of the door? Who would I be?

It wouldn't be what everybody else had told me I needed to do. 

I need to try harder, push harder, show all the resistance, and not do what I think is best for me, but do what you think is best for me because if I do what's best for you, you'll be happy. That's backward. 

That's different from how we're built to operate, right? 

When you were learning how to tie your shoes, you were taught that it's only important to tie someone else's shoes. 

You're going to have to walk around with your shoelaces, hanging out, at the risk of stepping on them, tripping on them, and hurting yourself. 

When you learn to tie your shoes, you learn to tie your shoes. You need to continue to tie your shoes for the rest of your life. 

You're at risk if you're busy tying everybody else's shoes and yours don't get tied. You're going to lose what you're hoping to gain. 

The security of having your shoes on your feet and removing the possibility of tripping and falling on your face, right? 

If a fear-based mindset involves fearing what you might lose, I might lose their friendship if I don't tie their shoes. 

Instead of what you're here to gain, you're here to gain independence, confidence, freedom, and the ability to be unapologetically yourself.

When you come from a love-based mindset, you will accept what you will be.

It's not something you've ever been before, and it's not something you know for sure will happen. It's not the outcome you necessarily want or not want. 

It's just going to be what it is. 

If you can be the kind of person who welcomes change, just welcome it. 

Whatever it is, I will just go live my life, unapologetically be my own person, let go of everybody else's opinion of me, and be responsible for my own emotions. 

Then, whoever I become is the right person. 

It doesn't really have a title. 

It doesn't have a label. It's not necessarily going to be seen or acknowledged by the outside world, but what you know is happening on the inside because your happiness is more present. 

After all, you're feeling satisfied. 

You're not worrying about other people. 

You're just being happy anyway. 

That's what changes, and it gives you the freedom to do anything else you decide to do.

You're not tied to what everybody else expects of you or what you thought if it's a relationship; it's what you thought the relationship should look like. 

It's what you have happily ever after, and it is imprinted in your mind about what to do or not to do.

I'm not going to be like my parents, who fought all the time. 

Apparently, I need to find somebody with whom I can be in pure bliss all the time, not realizing what pure bliss is or does. Right? 

If you are pure bliss, you're doing the things that pure bliss would do—finding what makes you happy.

Increasing your income, finding a hobby that makes you feel fulfilled, being creative, and being expressive are all important. 

It's finding the sports that get all your wiggles out, doing the thing that really makes your heart sore, and being active. 

It's like, I love doing this. I love it. I love reading books. I like writing short stories. It's just so fun to use my imagination. 

Do the thing that is in you to do.

Eventually, it becomes the gift that you're here to share with your circle of influence. 

But if you're not doing it because you're trying so hard to earn love or be seen or have acknowledgment or earn words of affirmation.

If you're just trying to do that, you don't have time, right? 

Love is: I'm here. I breathe; therefore, I am and have a life to live. 

What would I like to do today?

This is where you gain self-respect, personal freedom, self-ownership, self-love, self-confidence, and self-abundance. 

You start to live a life of prosperity by finding balance in all areas of your life. 

If you're giving pieces of yourself away so there's nothing left for you, that's not love because love does not part you out.

Love is whole, encompassing, and not limited. Love is everything you already are. 

When you act apart from it, you are pushing on the pull door. 

You're giving up something that is not required of you.

When you give something to somebody else, such as your time, talents, or gifts, you're sharing parts of yourself. 

Remember that they're not even on loan. 

You give them because it feels good, but you don't share those parts of yourself with other people. 

You're not trying to lose parts of yourself to gain something from them. 

That's emotional shoplifting.

Look for the episode on that one. 

If you just share yourself and walk away, you don't feel less empty, tired, used, or unappreciated. 

You don't feel less of anything. 

You're still you, and you appreciate that you got to interact. 

It felt so good, lifted you, and you're doing it right like that. That's how you know you're doing it right. 

But if it drags you down, wears you out, causes you all kinds of mental anguish, stop. 

You're pushing on the pull door. 

There's mental anguish pushing on a door that's never going to open for you.

Letting go of this fear idea, letting go of fear, what might happen, who you might become, what's the fear all about?

When I wrote this letter, I shared a story about challenging my fear when my family faced financial circumstances. You have to be able to dive into the actual problem.

I had a story about losing my influence with my children because I'd only been a stay-at-home mom before. 

If I had to get a job, I would lose that influence.

That was my story, and boy; I was sticking to it. But our situation became dire. 

We faced financial circumstances every single month, even though we had just enough to pay the bills. 

Each of my kids had one pair of shoes and one pair of pants that were quickly becoming floods. 

We didn't have extra money. 

I was so mad about having to live in fear that we were going to be homeless the next month that I finally got fed up with being fearful, being afraid. 

I had hot tears rolling down my face, and I just went out in the woods and then yelled at God. I was like, just do it already, make us homeless. It's like, stop teasing us with homelessness every month. 

We barely have enough to scrape by, and it's not working. 

If you're going to, if we're destined to be homeless, just make it happen. This was during the 2008 recession.

I didn't have a career. I didn't have a job. I didn't have anything. I didn't have the skills. I didn't have a college degree. I didn't have anything. 

My husband couldn't get a job. He had a very, very limited skill set. 

It was lucrative when he could make a living, but nobody was buying and selling airplanes at the time, so it wasn't going to do us any good. 

He was struggling to get a job.

I didn't have a job, and I was resisting the job. 

I was pushing on the pull door.

I want money, and I want us to be well off, but I'm going to have to find a job. 

Pushing on the pull door, playing with fear. 

When I finally yelled at God, it was kind of like I was releasing the fear. 

I was yelling for fear of stop threatening my family's safety. 

Who was I yelling to, really? It was me.

I wasn't really yelling at God, but he was willing to listen, and I really appreciated it, and he didn't hold it against me. 

Cause the loving God doesn't hold it against us when we're upset.

Instead, I thought of looking for a job, but I had rules. I'm not going to file papers in some back office. That's boring. 

I'm certainly not going to be a babysitter or watch other people's kids. I need to spend time with my kids.

The answer came: check out the gym at the end of the street. I was like, no, no, no, not working in a gym, not doing it. 

I didn't want to get upside down. I didn't want to be seen, but I needed a job, and my kids counted on me to do something other than be afraid. 

I didn't know where it was leading, whether it would be enough money, or even what the job was. 

By the way, my resume was fake. It was based on jobs I had in high school when I was five kids deep, about 16 years later.

I just went in and said, I'm here to apply for the job. 

Whatever it was, I was going to say yes to it. They're like babysitting in the daycare. I was like, Oh my gosh, no way. 

I think at that time, just looking back at it, I'm talking to you now. 

I think I was—I'd just gotten all the fear out. I was like, bring it, bring it on. Whatever it is, whatever's on its way—if it's homeless, great. 

If it's daycare work, whatever, just bring it on. 

Let's do something different than sit there and install fear. 

I worked in the daycare for about two weeks until I was absolutely done watching other people's kids and not watching my own.

Then I was like, okay, there's gotta be another opportunity. 

As soon as I shifted my mind again, opened the door, and stopped pushing on the pull door, hating my daycare position, I opened my mind, and there was an opportunity to work at the counter selling memberships and making smoothies.

I was like, dude, I serve a family of seven. I can make smoothies. I can handle money. I can certainly sell something I believe in, which is good health. 

So, let's go. They hired me to do that. 

Pretty soon, our family was in a much, much better situation, but I became who I was when I trusted that whatever I was afraid of happening, there was something better on the other side of that door if I would just pull on the door instead of push on it.

Something better was coming. It was the best thing that's ever happened to me. 

I became a person I didn't know I could be. I didn't know I had any other gifts. 

All I had ever wanted to be was a mom.

On the other hand, I was an accidentalpreneur, and it's given me many opportunities to work with so many people who just needed to know that they could do it, too. 

Pushing on the pull door, it's no fun. It's hard, it's extra work. It's not required, but we do it anyway.

If you trust that God has a plan for you, the door will open. Just trust. Let's see what happens. 

Sometimes, you have to get angry, upset, frustrated, and all mad and say, OK, whatever. 

If you want me to be homeless, so be it. I'm in. Just let's do something different, that's all. 

All of a sudden, voila, the door opens. But it was me that was holding it shut the whole time.

I wasn't homeless because God didn't want me to be homeless. 

He wanted me to be proactive.

Get out there and try something new. Stop being afraid. Don't be a weenie. 

I had to trust that there was a bigger plan, and oh my gosh, I'm telling you, the journey has been crazy. It had highs; it had lows. There's been pros, there's been cons. 

But in the end, I had to know who I was and what I wanted. 

I'm still figuring that out; I'm 57. I don't know what I am. I'm 57, 

But it doesn't really matter to me because I'm reinventing myself all the time. I am not the same person I was yesterday. 

Why would I try to be back there doing what I thought was good for me at the time? 

Then you have to remember that the choices you made for yourself five years ago, ten years ago, or twenty years ago are not the same person. 

Either you're evolving with the changing needs and desires that you have, or you need to stop and reset. 

Do something different, but stop worrying about what you think you'll lose.

 I guarantee everything is possible on the other side of the door.

It's better than you've asked for, and it will be. 

That doesn't mean there won't be hard lessons. 

We only grow when we have hard lessons. 

Those are the best things that have ever happened to us because they will give us the fuel and fire to get angry again, frustrated, or more resolved to do something different. 

Let go of fear. 

Let God guide you, and follow your heart's plan. Because when you want more, that's the right time to pursue it.

We're built for more.

 It's not time to sit back and wait, hoping things will change. Wondering if you're doing it right. 

Let that be your teacher. 

When you're sick and tired of it, it's time to do something different. 

All bets are off, so throw the doors wide open. 

Trust that it's going to be better. 

Whatever happens, if you decide and are on your way, just let it be what it is. 

Some people will come with you, but others won't be able to accompany you. 

Stop trying to make decisions for those people before you ever even do a thing. 

If you're like, Oh, I'm going to do this. I'm going to go get my life. 

You'll be upset and angry, and you'll tell them, hoping they'll change so you can be happy. 

That's pushing on the pole door. 

If you're like toodles, I'm out, peace, I'm going to do something that makes me happy right now. 

It's not done so that they will change, wonder what you're doing, or see you more clearly. 

You're doing it because you, yourself, and you're on your way. 

Hey, let's go to Barnes & Noble and read some really good books to get some inspiration.

It has nothing to do with anything other than the path your heart is calling you to follow. That's it. 

That's how you let go. It doesn't matter what other people think or what they want. 

It's what you think and what you want. That's when things get clear. 

I'm not talking about being selfish and leaving your kids without a sandwich. 

I'm talking about doing what's calling to you most in your heart. It usually involves freedom of expression.

Let go of what you think is hard because you're right. It's hard and much more challenging to push on a door that will never open for you. 

Then, just back up. 

Start by letting go of the pressure on the door and getting clear on your thoughts. 

What makes me afraid? What fear, what is the fear built on? Is it true? 

A thousand times, a thousand percent. It's not true. It's just that you've been operating as if it were true.

Identify your fears first, write down the opposite action of what those fears have been dictating to you, and you'll have something new to practice.

It's yours to figure out because you have this one life. 

If you don't do what you're called to do, and only you can do it, there's nobody else like you. 

You are one of a kind. 

Do not apologize for who you are and how you are pushing on the pull door. It's fear.

You are here to live loud and proud. 

Stand up, show up, get out there, and reach for the truest version of you.

 Strut it down the street, write it in your notebook, and tell yourself how amazing you are.

Make sure you're aligned with the amazingness you know you are. 

Your actions have to follow your thoughts, your habits, and your habits of thought. Live it.

That's why opening the door is so freaking easy. Cause you just swing it open, and you're on your way. So, let go of fear. 

Love opens the door super easy. It's what you're here to do. It's how you're here to live. 

This is how it guides you back home, right? 

The whole podcast is called Guiding You Home because it's time for you to listen to yourself and follow your instincts about what really needs to happen next. 

That's how you know you're home.

It's not because of something that you're trying to do what you did, what your friend did, or what someone else needs you to do. No, no.

This is your one life, and you get to decide. 

You have free agency to choose how you will live today. 

One thought at a time. I hope this helps. 

Your happiness is my favorite thing. 

Get out there and live in alignment with that. 

Note: You can access the full blog content in audio versions on Spotify and YouTube. Happy listening! 🎧 

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