What I wanted to talk about today is the most unpopular opinion I can think of: We're not here to do hard things. 

When people say I can do hard things, I do not doubt you can. 

Why wouldn't we want to find the fastest way through it? Why wouldn't we want to find ease in the flow of it? Why would we want to do hard things? Where's the badge of honor there? 

We're going to have to do hard things anyway. We're going to have to struggle. 

I was just talking to a friend, and she said, you're just so interesting. 

You have so many stories to tell and so many things that you've overcome. Cause I do tell stories, and people are like, what, that was you? You did that? 

We can't really believe it. 

It was like, well, it's true. 

Those things came because of my conditioning and belief system. 

I was doing things to bring more of the struggle into my life until I realized that I didn't actually have to struggle anymore. 

We're not built to do hard things. 

We're built to move through things, to have experiences that teach us, help us grow wise, and help us gain experience. 

But we're not here to do the same cyclical thing that's hard over and over again.

If you've had difficult relationships, they're just tricky always. 

You've gone from one or another, and the same pattern is following you. 

You have to stop and look at it. 

You have to stop and figure out why you have yet to exit the roundabout because it's possible to exit the roundabout. 

Sometimes, it's not the popular thing to do. Sometimes, it goes against almost everything you've ever believed in. 

You're dismantling your beliefs at such a rapid rate it feels like you're dying. 

It feels like your world's coming apart. 

When stuff like that happens, we're not meant to stay there. 

We are meant to have those experiences because there is only one way through them. 

There is no other way to gain experience and grow without doing hard things, but when people find a badge of honor, they're on a journey—a fitness journey or a journey to change their family patterns.

If you're on a journey, make sure it has an exit plan. 

You're exiting the roundabout. You have to go to new places, and that's where the growth is. 

When you're going to new places and having new experiences, you move through them quickly, and then off you go. 

Sometimes, I feel like I'm jumping timelines. 

I've used this phrase because my learning curve is steep but fast. 

I'm in the roundabout, I'm out. 

Maybe you found yourself in the same situation where you're in the roundabout, and then you're gone. 

Sometimes, you're in that roundabout for a very long time. 

I spent the first forty years in a roundabout, the same roundabout. It was a cyclical story of my mother's struggle. 

My mother said no one could ever love her. 

She made a point to teach us every day, though, in the way she would not accept our love for her, in the way she would say self-deprecating things. 

It was almost like her Bible that I am not loved and no one, no one, is going to change that story. 

You can hear how hard her life was, and the belief system she picked up early on was to make sure that the story she developed was the only truth for everybody else. 

Well, I didn't buy into it, sorry. I was like, that can't be true. Because if it's true for you, it's true for me. 

It's not true for me. I don't know how that could be. 

But the entire first half of my year of my life was trying to get out of that roundabout. It was me going, why am I in this roundabout? 

If I don't believe that I am unloved or unlovable.

Then, there has to be an exit to this pattern of hanging out with people who don't love me or who don't have the ability to love me. 

Exiting that roundabout was one of the hardest things I've ever done. 

It was necessary, but it wasn't forever. It had a direction. 

There was an exit from a relationship. 

I chose for myself early on when I believed that I needed to be with people who would perpetuate the same story that my mom told me that I was unlovable. 

When I exited that roundabout, it was painful for more than just myself. 

It was the end of a marriage and the beginning of a new relationship. 

The one that found me flat on my back, looking up at God, going, there is not a person on this planet right now that knows I'm alive or cares that I'm alive. 

By that time, my mother had passed. 

Not one phone call came through to friends with whom I had built relationships for eight years in North Carolina. 

People, I was like, wow, really? Huh? Did I do that? 

That was another wake-up call to get out of a cyclical pattern and take responsibility for who I was and myself not needing. 

Everybody in the world came running to see if I was okay. That was a huge one for me. 

I lay flat on my back on my little rented apartment floor, alone in the world, wondering Why it even matters if I'm here. 

No one knows I'm here. I'm not doing any good. 

If you know anything about the Enneagram, you know that Enneagram 2 is the helper. 

I'm born to serve people; I'm born to help people in healthy ways. 

I was not doing it so well back then in healthy ways. 

I want to be myself, to really claim those parts of me that were super important to develop, and to give away those parts of me that were just ideas and false beliefs without losing myself. 

There's so much that goes into breaking patterns and exiting a roundabout. 

You're not just going to go in the same boring circles for the rest of your life. 

It's so important to do this. But the hard part was allowing myself to do it. 

When we do hard things, we experience resistance. 

When I allowed myself to feel God's love, I needed to know a reason for my life on Earth. 

I didn't know if there was a reason for me to be alive. 

It seemed like I had worked myself out of a job as a mother. It seemed like my unhealthy self; back then, it was not a safe space for my kids. 

They weren't looking to me for any kind of advice or guidance. 

My friends went on with their lives, and I was in the middle of deciding if I needed a divorce in order to break the pattern if that was the only way out. 

God was the only person that I could turn to. 

I needed to know, and it took three months of begging. 

Begging to know means begging in; I was participating. 

I was reading, studying, praying, meditating, going for long walks, and sitting in Barnes & Noble so I could just be around other people. 

I read books, go to the gym, and try to take care of my body the best I can.

There was just so much effort put into wanting to not do hard things anymore. 

Eventually, I got to the place where lots of journal writing existed. 

Boy, if you're struggling, journal, right? 

It is God who comes through in your pen. It does. 

I promise, do it the old school.

Handwriting is wild, but the most important thing was that I learned I don't have to struggle. I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. 

When I say that, people are like, well, yeah, you have to pay your bills and go to work.

If you want to go to work, it's way easier than if you don't want to go to work. 

When I say I don't have to do anything I don't want to, I make sure that the things I do need to do are things I want to do. 

Can you hear that? Can you hear the shift? 

It's essential to do what you want because it's less complicated.

We're not here to do hard things but to do what we want. 

We're here to remove the resistance from our lives so we can exit the roundabout. 

If we have resistance to exiting the roundabout because we're not sure which path to take, we're not sure which direction to go, we're not sure, like until you're sure, you do not exit the roundabout. 

Sometimes, more often than not, until we figure out the ease and the flow of exciting roundabouts in our lives. 

We are very resistant to leaving them because, first, they're familiar. Second, they become our safe place. Third, it's what's expected of us. 

What else do you do in a roundabout but go round and round? 

Until you understand the purpose of the roundabout, you're like, oh, it's just to take a new path. 

It's time to go; it's to experience other things. 

When we do that with ease and learn to do it quickly, we're not circling in the roundabout for a very long time; we're just like, first exit, I'm out. 

Because we recognize that we are in the roundabout. 

That's when things get easy. 

That's when we go with the flow of life. 

That's when we start to have these new, mind-blowing, eye-opening experiences that way, in a good direction. 

Honestly, it doesn't matter. 

If you think of a literal roundabout, whatever direction you take, they're automatic; if it's the wrong direction, you can always turn the car around, get back in it, and go out a different direction. Right? 

We think that if we make decisions in our lives, they are permanent, and we're not allowed to choose differently. 

We're not allowed to change our minds, think outside the box, or follow our intuition because doing so might hurt somebody, offend somebody, or be irresponsible.

It would be like, I can't tell you the life experiences that not only I but also my family members have had. 

When I left the roundabout, it took years. 

There's no timeline for grief. 

We were all grieving the loss of something that was the only thing we knew.

Even though there was not much happiness in the relationship that my ex-husband and I shared, there was finally no damage done. That was good. 

Then, the journey I took to get healthy allowed me to become a safe space for my kids to come to. 

We'll be mentors to our children so much longer than we're actually going to be mothers. 

Mothering is between zero and 18. The mentoring happens after that. 

We've taught them what they need to know in those 18 years and that they are somewhat proficient at going out and starting independently. 

We'll spend a lot of time being their mentors. 

If I was still in a bad place where I was not able to get healthy mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically, I would not get the whole thing on board. 

Our lives would have been so different. 

My relationship with my kids would have been so different. But more importantly, my relationship with myself and God would be so vastly different than it was before. 

Before, I was just following along, not asking questions, and not trying to figure it out for myself. 

Can God really hear me? Do I really matter? 

I wasn't on that journey. I was just going along. 

Sometimes, that can be easy, and sometimes it can be challenging. 

When I started asking questions, it got tough. 

But overall, I would have to say I wouldn't change a thing—not about the hard or the easier times. 

Because it's all moving you forward, and you'll see this in your life, too. It's all taking you downstream where you were meant to go. 

You were meant to flow downstream, not paddle upstream. 

Paddling upstream is resistant. It's hard. It's doing hard things unnecessarily. 

However, if you get in the boat, it takes you downstream automatically. 

The scenery's lovely, and you're going places without working at it; there's no resistance. 

When I learned to sit down in the boat, which is not always the case, we were not perfect, right? 

Sometimes, I paddle upstream, then I'm like, oh wait, just kidding, put the paddle in the boat, and off I go downstream. 

Going downstream with God is so much easier, even than going downstream alone. 

When you learn to do this quickly, you are not meant to do hard things with a lot of resistance attached to them. 

It's not leaving the roundabout because we fear what's out there. 

We're afraid to leave the safety net of what we know. 

We're afraid to change directions because, with all that's going on, it might be the wrong one. 

It gets harder. 

My suggestion as a coach is that I've been coaching for the past four years. 

I was in fitness for 16 years, but there was a lot more coaching than there was fitness being taught. 

I realized that people quit on themselves because of stress in their lives. 

They usually experience stress because of the roundabout they've been riding around for their whole lives. 

They're afraid to leave the roundabout. They're afraid to let go of the fear, take a risk, and see that it's actually easier. It's more fun. 

The growth is exponential healing, and the health you crave is available for you. 

Everything gets better. 

I can't think of one thing that didn't get better. Everything gets better. 

If there's anything I can do to help you, I offer one-on-one coaching and am also opening a mentorship program for women. 

Women need the community, support, and that Whole Self—who is in your eyes and who is through God's perspective because everything gets better when you can see yourself through his perspective. 

It's easier.

You just start letting go of some of those old beliefs and Things you've heard and thought about yourself. 

They just melt away. 

Everything is better. 

Everything becomes easier. 

You let go of the fear, you embrace your journey, and life is much better on the other side of the roundabout. 

If I can help you exit, please let me know. Talk to you soon. 

Note: You can access the full blog content in audio versions on Spotify and YouTube. Happy listening! 🎧 

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