The PITT-falls of Manifesting Desires

Today, we are going to talk about manifesting pitfalls. 

We really want to have what we want because we feel it will improve our lives, make us feel better, and make us feel like we deserve it. 

It will bring happiness, purpose, and freedom to our lives. 

It's good to want more. We're built for more.

We are not built to stay stagnant all day long, every day. We're either growing or dying. 

If we're going backward because we're living in the past, we're expecting more of the same; we're thinking we can't grow because we've put limiting beliefs on ourselves. 

How happy are you?

We're very unhappy in those situations having a thumb on us, feeling like we are not permitting ourselves because others might judge us. 

There are many different ways that we hold ourselves back. 

When I talk about the pitfalls, I'm talking about the P-I-T-T, the perpetual and intentional thought-induced torment we put ourselves through. 

We're not going to agree that we torment ourselves on purpose immediately. We're not trying to create misery for ourselves, but we do have thoughts that stop us. 

Yesterday, I had a really great conversation with a highly intellectual person. 

This intellectual person admitted that they can sometimes get themselves in a real big jam because they think and think and think and rarely do. They study, study, and rarely engage.

Some of the pitfalls that these people have gotten themselves into really involved digging a hole for themselves before they ever tried something. 

They just figured that things were not going to work out for them. 

They figured that the one experience they had previously would be the same again and again in the future, rather than realizing they were not engaging with the same type of people. 

It's not for the same purpose. It would be a completely different scenario, but this person decided it wouldn't work out for them, so they didn't go for it. 

Then they were sad and miserable because they felt stuck, uninspired, living beneath their potential, and unfulfilled, and it was like, why would you do that?

Of course, they're like shoulder-shrugging. They're like, I don't know. I don't know why. Why is that serving me? Why do I keep doing that? 

It could be because we have strengths and weaknesses.

Our weaknesses and tendencies are to hang back and not take risks. Maybe our strengths are pushing ourselves outside our comfort zone and discovering that it's not as bad as we thought. 

It's possible that if we just get out of our own way, it could get better than ever before. Not only that, but we keep wondering how good this will get. 

Can you hear your own thoughts through this process?

How many times are you like, I don't really agree with that, or I really agree with that, or I can see how I do this, or I can see how I've used to do that, and I've gotten out of my own way? 

It's not necessarily the words I'm saying here but rather the thoughts coming to you from your own intuition that tell you that if you're standing in your own way, it's just a habit of thought. 

It's not a limitation that you can own because you haven't pushed yourself outside your comfort zone. 

Whether you agree or not, this is my advice to this person: sometimes you have to pick yourself up by the scruff of the neck and give yourself a little swift kick in the pants and get out there and do something different. 

If you keep circling around in the same old belief system, a belief system is just a habit of thought that you've thought about over and over and over. 

If you keep swirling around the same belief system, then you just basically have a shovel in your hand, and you're just digging this pit of despair that you're like, I'm never going to get out of this pattern. 

I'm just going to keep digging this hole, digging this hole, digging this hole.

When you're in a perpetual and intentional thought-induced tormentive state, it's only because you're overthinking things. It's only because you're assuming the worst will happen.

It's only because your brain, which is hardwired to keep you safe, isn't comfortable with the idea of putting yourself at risk. 

Your brain, the amygdala, that part of your brain between the two temples of your skull, is designed to capture memories and retain experiences. 

Those memories and experiences also have emotions attached to them, including smell, touch, and taste. 

If it was unpleasant, our brain is hardwired to go to the past and pick out an experience that may or may not have been for your personal improvement at that moment. 

You may have felt inadequate, embarrassed, shamed, or suffering by comparison. 

If that's the case, then if you think about doing anything in the future, your brain will take you to the past and go, ooh, yeah, you don't really want that experience, do you? 

We go to a place where we feel uncomfortable before we ever know whether we will be uncomfortable. 

Sometimes, putting yourself in the hot seat will be the best thing that ever happens to you. 

I remember back when 08 hit. Do you remember that? Oh, how much fun did we have? Yeah, it was a shocker. 

We all were slightly blindsided, and we really didn't expect it. 

There were so many significant changes in such a short period of time, but my family was almost homeless, and someone had to put on her big girl pants and go out and get a job after being a stay-at-home mom for 15 years.

I had no college education, and I had no resume. 

I literally had to fake a resume, put on anything that appeared to be business clothes, and go out and find a job. 

This was just as the dial-up internet was coming to our house. It was more advanced than that, but we were slow on the uptake because we liked the old-fashioned way of doing things and didn't love change. 

I was like, hey, I'm going to get in the car, and I'm going to drive around and see if I can find a job. Not super efficient, but I needed to figure out what I was looking for. 

Even if I had opened the newspaper or looked online and trusted that there was anything current on there that would benefit me, I still needed to find out. I didn't know what I was looking for. 

That's when I just got in the car, and I was like, just show me where the money is. Like, show me the money. 

I started driving, and this thought occurred to me in the back of my mind: I should go to the gym at the end of the street.

I'm telling you, like the idea of walking into a gym as a timid and introverted person who carried shame from the past because I remembered all the times that I was shamed and felt less and didn't feel worthy of and all that, yada yada, right? 

My brain was holding me back because there was a huge opportunity in front of me, but I was like, no, that's not going to work out for me because X, Y, and Z, and I came up with all the reasons why it wasn't going to work before I ever gave it a shot. So. 

There I was in the pit of despair, perpetual and intentional thought-induced torment, crying in my car, looking at the Help Wanted the window, and feeling like, why would they give me a job? I haven't worked in 15 years. 

I have nothing on my resume other than the last time I worked at Wendy's in a dress shop when I was in high school.

I stood there or sat there and kept telling myself, you got nothing. Who's going to hire you? What do you bring to the table? 

I really was not my own best friend at that moment. I was just intellectualizing my worthlessness, and it wasn't helping. 

But when I finally realized, I came back to myself and was just like, well, we're going to be homeless if I don't do something. 

Something's better than nothing at this moment, and it will give me hope, even if it's not the right long-term job. 

I can figure out something after I get this job; I have something else to put on my resume. 

I put on my big girl pants again and climbed out of the pit of despair. I climbed out of that place that I was holding myself in. 

Nobody else was doing this to me. You understand? 

I was my own free agent in that and did something different.

I stopped digging a hole for myself, climbed out, grabbed my fake resume, dried my eyes, and marched into the gym, thinking all you have to do is find somebody in charge.

When I found somebody in charge, I locked eyes with them, handed them my resume, and said, I just need to speak to the manager. I'm here to apply for the job. 

I didn't even know what the job was. It just said help wanted on the sign. It didn't say what was wanted. 

She basically asked me if I had ever handled money. I said I've paid my kids an allowance. Yes, I have handled money. She's like, great, when can you start? I said, how about right now?

I didn't realize that she was asking me to step outside of my comfort zone because one of the requirements, one of the very first instructions she gave me, was, as soon as somebody walks in the door, you need to yell, welcome to fitness 2000. 

I was like, oh my heck. I don't think I can because I was shy and introverted. I didn't want anyone to look at me. 

I had lost eight dress sizes right at that point, but I definitely had not; my brain had not caught up with me.

I was still ashamed of myself for letting myself go.

Now, I'm not saying you should ever be ashamed of yourself, but my most accessible emotion as an Enneagram 2 is shame. Two-threes and fours really struggle with shame.  That was the loudest voice in my head. 

I was like, oh my gosh, people are going to stare. People are going to look at me. I'm not worthy of it. I can't draw attention to myself. That's embarrassing. That's shameful. 

Who was in their own way? Was it true? Not really. No, it wasn't because I was welcoming them. 

I looked at it as if I were calling attention to myself, which I also added a meaning to, that it was bad. It's bad to call attention to yourself. 

When I got out of my own way, because I had to, I literally had to perform in order to feed my family. I was like, okay, all right, just say it. 

What's the worst that can happen right now? 

Sometimes, my best moments have come from challenging my unbelief.

I just said, welcome to Fitness 2000. Then I was like, look down at the floor, look around, don't look at people, don't make eye contact, just see what's gonna happen. 

Guess what? The world did not fall apart. I did not implode. 

The world didn't come to a screeching halt because when I realized what I had done, and people started waving at me when they came in the door as a friendly reaction to my welcoming announcement, everything changed in my head. 

I was like, wow, I'm putting myself out there to make them feel better. 

That's why I'm here. I'm in this role and this position in this seat to say hello. I see you. 

It had never occurred to me before I had myself way outside my comfort zone. I had to get out of my own way. 

I was no longer in the pit because once I got used to being loud and proud behind the front desk, I could also look them in the eye. 

I could have conversations with them, and then I recognized that I was not there to be seen; I was there to see them. 

When you talk about other people and ask them about themselves, the spotlight's not on you anymore. 

That was very important to me to discover that I wasn't the center of attention there and was placing too much emphasis on my ego. 

By the way, Wayne Dyer says ego, E-G-O, is edging God out. 

If you believe in the higher powers of the universe, you might understand that we don't want to do that because magic happens when we're in touch, in line, and connected to our higher power. 

I got out of my own way and started making it about other people. But that's just an example of how you can get yourself out of the perpetual and intentional thought inducement that we put ourselves in that makes us stuck, limited, and powerless to change the things we know would make us feel better. 

We know that we want those things because we're asking for more. We ask for more respect if we're in a relationship that doesn't offer respect. 

We know that we're asking for more in the way of a reliable car if our car is unreliable. Or we're asking for more in the way of better technology because there's a better bright and shiny object out there that will improve your life over the one you have. 

How many times do we try to intellectualize ourselves?

We try to overthink and outthink it before giving it a chance to start. 

If we're focused on what we don't want—meaning we don't want lack of money, disrespectful relationships, or mundane jobs —if we're focused on that, it grows. 

This means the conversation you're having in your head, the thoughts you're having, and the meaning you're adding to it are either coming from a good place or not a good place.

If the meaning is, oh my gosh, I'm a shy person; I can't say that out loud, the meaning is fear. It's not, certainly not coming from satisfaction or love. It's coming from a negative place. 

I had negative emotions about it. But as soon as I was like, oh my gosh, this isn't about me. 

It's about them and what I can contribute to having them have a positive experience and remember that they had a good day at some point because everybody who wants to go to the gym is just looking for stress relief. 

They're looking for self-importance. They're looking for their own significance. 

Will this help? Will I feel better about myself? Will I feel accomplished today? 

Depending on who they are, they want to feel supported, loved, wanted, or valued. 

I was in a really important place to watch how people received my eyes on them rather than being ashamed or whatever their eyes were on me. 

Can you see the switch? 

One of those would put me into a thought-induced torment, and the other would set me free. But I was still in the same place, doing the same job. It was just how I was viewing it. 

You can kind of see in your own life that when you're having thoughts that are working against you, they are coming from a place that is not in alignment with your true and shiny self. 

You are a lovable, adorable, attractive, and adaptive person. But when you think negative thoughts, you're really just tormenting yourself. 

You're just putting yourself in a pit of despair until you're ready to climb out. 

Now, if we're digging a hole for ourselves with our thoughts, that hole might be shallow. 

If we've been at it for a long time, and some of us have, some of us were born into a family that was just, they were just hard-working hole diggers, and they were always in a pit of despair and were like, oh, you've got a pit, I'll dig mine too so I can be like you. 

We dig pits of despair because it's a family legacy. 

If you've been at it for a long time, your hole might be a little bit deeper than most.

If that's the case, I'm here to tell you that you can actually climb out of the deepest of holes. 

But you have the shovel or can build a ladder and climb out. It's literally all done in your mind. 

You're as powerful as you want to be. But you can give that power up by talking about how it won't work out for you before you even give it a chance. 

My back was up against the wall. I had to get a job. I feel like maybe I had a hand up that the universe had my back at that moment, even though I didn't know it, because I had to make peace with it. 

I am not a conflicted or contentious person by nature. I had to make some changes in my own thought process.

It turns out it was the best thing that ever happened to me, even though it was hard, even though I had to go to work, even though I wasn't in my children's lives 24-7 the way I wanted to be. 

Guess what?

I grew, they grew, everybody grew. We all worked it out.

It figured itself out because I was willing to change my mind about it.

 If I was to have taken all that yucky gut soup home with me because I was in a pit of despair and torment all the time. 

If I had taken it home with me and put it on my kids, it wouldn't have worked out so well.

If I had blamed it on everybody else and my husband, who couldn't get a job,  I couldn't stay in my own home, and he pushed me out of the house, it wouldn't have gone well. I would still be digging a pit. I would have been working really hard at shoveling that dirt deep. 

But it made a different choice. We all have the option to make a different choice.

In this storytelling that I like to explore, can you hear how it might apply to you? Can you see the application and benefits of changing your thoughts? 

It really has a magnificent effect. If you look at it differently, it significantly impacts your life.

Getting stuck in the pit of torment can be the best thing that ever happened to you because it also gives you the opportunity to do something else.

It gives you the opportunity to change your thoughts, turn a corner, and climb out of the pit. 

But it's all up to you. That's when you start taking personal responsibility for your life. 

You're like, everything that's happening right now in my life is not happening to me; it's happening for me. 

If you change one word, you go from four to two, right?

It's happening to me, or it changes the meaning entirely, and you go from fear to satisfaction.

It's happening to me that you have been put upon something you didn't choose, and you're hating it. 

If it's happening for you, it may have been put upon you that you didn't choose, but it's working for your good.

It's going to help you open up. It will help you embrace an uncomfortable place until it becomes comfortable. It's going to push you out of your comfort zone. 

As they say, that's where life starts. It could be the best thing that's ever happened to you because even if it doesn't work out in that instance, it's going to you to a place where you want more. 

Every time you want more, the answer is yes. It's whether or not you are in agreement with the thought of having it in your life. 

You can have it if you want it, but you'll have to change your mindset around it. 

You'll have to stop putting on the brakes, pushing on the pole door, digging in your heels; whatever you think you're doing is digging that pit deeper. 

You're going to have to get out of your own way. 

You'll have to get out there and give yourself a good swift kick in the pants for a second, not to be mean, but to boost your courage to step outside of what has always been and do something different. 

If your amygdala is like, but you can't because of this, and this always happens to you, this is probably not the right decision.

Again, breathe. That's just your brain trying to keep you safe. 

It doesn't mean that the thing in front of you that you want but are avoiding or over-intellectualizing about is dangerous. 

Maybe it's not dangerous. Maybe it's uncomfortable. Maybe it's a new step in a different direction. But doing something different is always better than doing something that's always been the same because you've got to grow. 

If you're not growing, you're dying. 

Suppose you're trying to keep things always the same.

In that case, certainty is more important than variety, and you just keep doing it, even if it's stressing you out, even if it's dragging you down, even if you notice your self-care is going away, that certainty is not serving you anymore. You've got to have time for yourself. 

You've got to have time to grow. 

You have to give yourself a chance to get out there and do something different. 

Sometimes, you must do it with the most fear you've ever felt. It sure beats the bottom of a pit. 

You will discover what you're made of. You will be shocked at how good you can get, how good you are, especially when you get out of your own way. 

Here's my encouragement for you today: 

Get out of your own way. Don't overthink it. Take a shot. Be brave, be bold. Envision what could be and go for it. 

I'm not saying ignore your intuition that it's a bad idea.

If you feel bad about it, you're in disagreement. You haven't actually aligned with what you want. 

If you're feeling bad, that you're about ready to get yourself in a really sticky situation, you're usually not wrong. If you're fearing something new that could really put you out there and test your potential, that's just fear. 

Can you tell the difference?

I'm not saying put yourself in danger. I'm just saying notice if it's not really dangerous. If it's just fear, then it's just fear.

If you're dealing with fear, you're putting yourself in a perpetual and intentional thought-induced state of torment. So, fear is something to be overcome. 

You overcome it with enthusiasm, optimism, and excitement about what can be. 

Get out there, discover what you can be, and reach your full potential. 

This is how you fulfill the measure of your creation.

Let's go and let's get living. 

Note: You can access the full blog content in audio versions on Spotify and YouTube. Happy listening! 🎧 

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